An Unattractive Vampire

An Unattractive Vampire Jim McDoniel S First Novel Is Quirky, Wild, And Weird, And Definitely For Those Who Hate Those Sexy Vampire Stereotypes Who Like Their Monsters Nice And GrossGeeks Of Doom Jim McDoniel S Debut Novel, An Unattractive Vampire, Is A Darkly Comic Urban Fantasy Of Ancient Horrors In Suburban Cities After Three Centuries Trapped Underground, Thousand Year Old Yulric Bile, Also Known As The Cursed One, The Devil S Apprentice, He Who Worships The Slumbering Horrors, Awakens Only To Find That No One Believes He Is A Vampire Apparently He S Just Too Ugly Modern Vampires, He Soon Discovers, Are Pretty, Weak, And, Most Disturbing Of All, Good Determined To Reestablish His Bloodstained Reign, Yulric Sets Out To Correct This Disgusting Turn Of Events Or, At The Very Least, Murder The Person Responsible With The Help Of Part Vampire Wannabe Amanda Simon, The Eight Year Old Reincarnation Of His Greatest Foe And A Cadre Of Ancient And Ugly Horrors, Yulric Prepares To Battle The Glamorous Undead But Who Will Win The Right To Determine, Once And For All, What It Truly Means To Be A Vampire

Jim McDoniel is a writer of weird, funny things A graduate of Conservatory programs at both Minneapolis s Brave New Workshop and Chicago s Second City, he has spent several years writing about mad science and molepeople for the award winning, sci fi audio drama Our Fair City His first novel, An Unattractive Vampire, will be published by Inkshares in March as part of the Sword and Laser collectio

➽ [Reading] ➿ An Unattractive Vampire  By Jim McDoniel ➲ – Webcambestmilf.info
  • Paperback
  • 312 pages
  • An Unattractive Vampire
  • Jim McDoniel
  • 08 March 2019
  • 9781941758649

10 thoughts on “An Unattractive Vampire

  1. says:

    I get sent pre release copies of books quite often Usually because authors or publishers are looking for promotional blurbs or a little help spreading the word about an upcoming publication This was one of those books I got an ARC ages ago, but I only recently pulled it off the shelf.Starting to read it, I was pleasantly surprised Good start Pulled me right in Good language Good, distinct tone Playful but well written.Then I looked at the letter that had been sent along with the book and kicked myself I was reading it two months after the publication date Far too late to give it a promotional blurb Too late to give it a push in the early days of the book s release.This happens fairly often But I especially regret it this time, as the book is Published by Sword and Laser A new small press.This made me feel doubly bad It s hard to be a new small press And it was the guy s first book It s really hard to get attention these days if you re a new author or a new press I wish I could have helped them out .I will say this I really enjoyed it It was fun and funny It kept me up late on a night when I really was hoping to get some extra sleep And I really wish I d read it earlier because I would have given it a gushy blurb.If that means anything to you Maybe consider picking it up

  2. says:

    An Unattractive vampire You may cry Inconceivable to that idea, my dear post twilight audience How can be a vampire be unattractive in this century With their perfect cheekbones and irresistible sex appeal, their swaying hips, half open shirts, and such hot fangs Unfortunately, Yulric Bile is not from this century Neither does he the like the modern week ass candy cane vampires Let the games begin An unattractive vampire is a fun novel which takes advantage of the popularity of vampires and difference between the current portrayal of vampires and the classic ones Our vampire Yulric Bile was trapped in his coffin for over 300 years and he is finally set free in the current century He rises again, expecting to seize his old glory, but finds himself sharing his house with a grumpy young adult girl and her resourceful little brother As if that is not bad enough for Yulric, he finds the devil box mortals call as television And in television, he finds vampire TV shows So, this is what we have become He cackled, trying to catch his breath or whatever he did instead of breathing Millennia of legend and lore, and now we appear to you as mere adolescents at the height of beauty and bloom Tell me, are all the stories of my kind thus Are vampyrs always immortal champions with rosy cheeks and marble physiques Jim McDoniel s writing is hilarious, and his characters are a fun bunch The tone of the story is somewhere between Dark Shadows and What we do in Shadows, with the usual vampire related tropes Because werewolves hate vampires Everybody knows that This was news to Yulric He had always gotten on quite well with werewolves They were good for a laugh, knew the latest drinking songs, and made for very convenient scapegoats The problem with An unattractive Vampire is that it failed to grow out of its silliness, which was delightful in the first half but waned towards the last act for me Nevertheless, the story nails humor as there were a ton of laugh out moments Yulric Bile and his gang are the sorts of people you can root for, and who could resist a good bloody vampire fight High five Oh, Wait Before you go, check this part of the novel Actually, we ve run into a bit of bad luck lately Catherine laughed Their last two trips had come up empty Tibet, especially, had been frustrating for their undead companions At least in India, the Brahmarakshas had been slain proper, like a vampire should be That s right, world Indians, we get the job done

  3. says:

    I will admit to being a fan of Twilight well the first three, the fourth was a monstrosity I am guilty of swooning over GQ worthy vampires full of never ending wit and sarcasm, and for some reason always with a British accent I love the sympathetic villain and can even side with an occasional mopey teen vampire I am addicted to all things vampire and as such love even their parodies An unattractive vampire, who s title itself makes me laugh, was a fun and hilarious diatribe of the modern vampire.It follows unattractive vampire Yulric Bile who has just been unearthed after three hundred years and his horrific discovery of Vampires post Twilight I loved how this book poked fun at how mainstream vampires have become, and how often then not they are portrayed as the good guys This book did remind me a bit of the movie Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp but actually well written.I enjoyed all of the characters and Yulric was the perfect grumpy old man monster Simon was a cute sidekick as well Full of hilarious one liners and chock full of lighthearted quips this book attacks every vampire cliche out there I would recommend this book to all fans of vampiresBuy, Borrow or Bin Verdict BuyCheck out of my reviews hereNote I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review.

  4. says:

    This was a light and fun read It was not quite as good as I was hoping it would be, but it was still entertaining and filled with plenty of hilarious moments.300 years ago evil vampire Yulric Bile was imprisoned Now he has escaped and is eager to begin a new reign of fear and terror Yulric is soon horrified to learn that society has changed and that modern vampires are now objects of romantic worship and heroic deeds He vows to put an end to this atrocity and bring the terror back to the vampire name It was all pretty hilarious Yulric looked like one of those horror story vampires rather than one of the Twilight or Vampire Chronicles style vampires and was suspected of being everything from a zombie to a werewolf by those he encountered rather than an actual vampire Yulric s reactions to modern technology were also pretty hilarious and his battle against the modern vampires proved entertaining enough This was definitely a fun read A little too silly at times to really suck me into the story, but still an entertaining enough read.Rating 3.5 stars.

  5. says:

    Fun and flowing story, if a bit fragmented minor plot holes 3.5 stars rounded up because it s a debut novel and it was an entertaining read paved smooth with nice writing and interesting characters The last three warnings were obviously the most recent in Arabic, May Allah protect against that which is inside and damn any who open it in English, For the preservation of the Empire, sealed 1910 under orders of his Majesty by his humble servant Sir Henry Calibrey May God preserve us and in American, No seriously Don t fucking open.

  6. says:

    This book is HILARIOUSGo buy Go Why are you still reading this review Go read the book There have been a few books that have poked fun at how the concept of vampirism has changed over the years especially how the most common portrayals tend to have vampires who are attractive and sexy above all else.Enter Yulric Bile, an old school vampire who has woken up after an unfortunate period of downtime damn those puritans In fact can we have an aside where I just hail the awesomeness that was the depiction of puritans here It takes a lot of work to make puritans hilarious but my gods they re excellent has woken up in the modern world in the basement of Amanda a woman who has been trained to take on any adversary since being the guardian of her little brother Simon, who always has a hatchet.Yulric has problems There is the huge culture shock he faces after centuries away he is now trying to bottle electricity and hates cars Really really hates cars Then there s the problem of Amanda not putting up with his bullshit and regularly backing him down with a cross and her little brother Simon who is definite evil genius material and keeps experimenting on him.Then there s the fact no one even believes he s a vampire because vampires are beautiful and he certainly is not He is not putting up with this and makes his own nefarious plans to find out who is behind this and remind them exactly what vampirism is.And it is awesome Yulric manages to be so ridiculously sinister and powerful, while continually being mocked and thwarted by Amanda who is infinitely awesome These characters are so much fun together, her capability along with her slightly sad history and refusal to tolerate any nonsense excellently works with Yulric s endless evil and her little brother s twisted genius I couldn t have imagined a better dynamic between these threeThe whole book made me laugh repeatedly The interactions, the puritans including the female cultist following Yulric who was, again, awesome, hilarious and an excellent challenge to misogyny The characters, the world and the whole war between ancient vampires and young pretty ones in body glitter kept me smiling with every page and repeatedly laughing out loud.I laughed at the idea of a teenage Vampire show where all the actors were actually vampires I laughed harder when a fight between these vampires and Yulric became fraught because Yulric refuses to kill the actors because he s marathoned the dvd series and NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT I collapsed with laughter when this fight became fraught because Amanda and Yilric had a side fight with the main writer because he refuses to acknowledge her One True Pairing and insists on redeeming one the villains Top it all off with Simon, the extremely ominous little brother actually having the highest death count while Amanda and Yulric scream at him to stop for the sake of their fandom and I just can t applaud enoughRead More

  7. says:

    I love the central premise of this book Where it goes with that premise is another thing, but the core idea is very cool.Yulric Bile, a millennia old vampire trapped for four centuries underneath a New England House, awakens in the 21st century to find that vampirism as he knows it has changed Yulric has been awoken by twenty something Amanda Linske and her little brother Simon, who introduce Yulric to 21st Century life and a TV vampire show called The Phantom Vampire Mysteries which by its description reminded me of True Blood The show, Amanda s favourite, becomes Yulric s obsession too when he finds out that the cast and writers of the show are real vampires However, these famous bloodsuckers are nothing like Yulric.For Yulric isn t the most handsome of fellows it s fair to say he got beat pretty hard with the ugly stick, has a face only a mother would love, is a butterface, etc He s nosferatu than baby I want to do you and soon discovers that in sharp contrast to his mirror shattering visage modern vampires are all stunningly beautiful, broodingly sexual creatures of the Twilight and Ann Rice model Naturally he s disgusted at this state of affairs, and the lowly state that vampirism once the domain of terrifyingly amoral monsters has fallen to and he resolves to bring ugliness, violence and downright malevolent evil back to the modern vampire world.So far so good The story is set up nicely for a take on the perennial young people don t respect tradition aren t as good as their elders grumbling that has been part of human society for millennia, but from the viewpoint of a thousand year old reanimated corpse unhappy at the behaviour of recently reanimated corpses You d also expect a few jabs at Anne Rice and Stephanie Meyer s sexy undead tropes along the way However while the underlying concept of this story is great, the execution is a little haphazard Yulric himself is kind of fun He s a classic man or in this case, monster out of his own time, who thinks of bullets as musket balls, is terrified of cars, and is mesmerised by television This temporal mismatch leads to some quite amusing scenes where Yulric s 17th century sensibilities crash against the 21st century values of those around him.The story itself rolls along pretty nicely, but it s a little cheesy at times, and the characters aren t particularly memorable, other than Yulric of course Things happen, and the plot races along, but it sometimes feels contrived less the natural results of genuine character motivations than the visibly deliberate plotting of the author.The conversations between some of the characters also often felt too knowing for me, too sitcom This was a bit grating, although after a few chapters the style grew on me, and I found myself enjoying the slightly contrived conversations and appreciating the many jokes McDoniel makes with his characters The ongoing joke of the characters obsession with The Phantom Vampire Mysteries wears a little thin occasionally too, with their fanaticism sometimes leading them to do rather implausible things This kind of thing is comic, but stretches the credibility of the story a bit.Overall An Unnattractive Vampire is entertaining, but doesn t reach the heights I feel it could have, leaving it at best for me as the kind of light, easy reading story that serves to fill a gap between difficult reads It s a fun story, with some genuinely funny moments, but it s a touch anaemic 2.5 stars.

  8. says:

    That was funny Strong tongue in cheek type humor, making riotous fun of the paranormal romance craze I like paranormal fiction, and I couldn t help laughing with recognition at every hilarious caricaturized trope Still only 2.51 for Kindle, and if you re in need of a laugh, I d definitely recommend This one has dropped from 6.99 to 2.51 for Kindle, and the premise and reviews are promising I got mine here.

  9. says:

    In reality, it s probably a 3 star book But, I think I ll bump it up to 4 stars for a few reasons It s the antidote to Twilight It s time the glittery glamour boy vamps went away Bring on the old school vampires The pairing of an evil, 300 year old vampire with a precocious, cheeky, slightly evil eight year old boy was devilishly delightful I like the vampire s excuse of not needing to wear a seatbelt I have no need for a life saving restraint You know, since he s immortal anyway As well as some of the other humor that arises when a guy from over 300 years ago is thrown into today s world The author brought in some vampires folklore from around the world in the later chapters Cool cover art.Final summation fiendishly fun Good beach reading if you have a slightly sadistic morbid sense of humor.

  10. says:

    Quite humerous.

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